he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
