i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
