Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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