every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
