I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
