It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
