is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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