He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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