ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
