Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
