he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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