I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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