That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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