i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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