The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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