things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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