you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
