i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
