I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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