I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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