girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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