My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's like God shit irony all over that family
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
