I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
