I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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