I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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