found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
