is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
