who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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