apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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