puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
