billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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