he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you. Go after that dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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