My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
