If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Found the puke drawer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
