Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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