What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
