Who wears a wallet chain?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk is not a location!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
