I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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