So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize