Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
