would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I supernannyed him into submission
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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