How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
