I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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