bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
