put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
