I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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