none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
