i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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