you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can I color on your dick again?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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