At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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