His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
