just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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