Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
