a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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