I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
