I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize