Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
