We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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