Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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