I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
