How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
